First of all I would like to mention that I am posting this from my netbook. The kyeboard is broken, so there might be some typos... I hope I found all of them but no guarantees!
On Friday I had my last test for the semester. It was my last try and now I am seriously worried about the results. I don’t know what I will do if I do not pass.
As a result I tried to get totally drunk. It was an attempt at forgetting my troubles. An attempt I might ad, that did not quite work out the way I had planned because as it turns out getting drunk is harder for me than most people. Believe me, I tried really hard. I drank all night long! One caipirinha after another. At one point in between I thought I was getting close. I was getting a little fuzzy and plenty happy, but after that it felt as if the alcohol lost all its effect on me. Maybe my friends just started to substitute the cachaca in my drink against something non-alcoholic and while I cannot prove this theory it is pretty unikely anyways. They were all way more drunk than me and not capable of actions this complicated. So probaby I just have a pretty good tolerence level. In the end I believe my faiure in getting drunk was for the best.
Until now I never understood what people meant when they said they get depressed when drunk. Now I do. Drowning my problems in alcohol completely blew up in my face. Instead of forgettig I stared worring even more. At least now I know to not even try. Why do other people do that more than once!?
At least I know better now. I also know I can’t even get drunk when I try.
From now on I will just save my money and stay with water…mostly.
Not that that's a heartship since I usually don't drink anyways.
Next topic on my list are… can you already guess?....yes! MEN!
After mostly not talking to Mr Brazil for weeks (no, there was no non-verbal 'communication' either) I decided to put an end to awkward situations and just stay firends. Seriously, who am I to wait to get a guys attention? Do I look deserate!? Okay, so maybe you can't see me but let me tell you that no! I am not desperate. Not that desperate anyways. Nor am I willing to waste my time on a guy who has not asked me out once since I met him. I bet we agree that asking me to watch a movie at his place does not count.
Then yesterday he contacted me and asked me why I…. get this I…. was ignoring him. Puhlease! I already explained that I didn’t know how to behave towards him three weeks ago! I was sort of waiting for pointers from him. (Another decision I should have known better about.) So I explained to him that after him not contacting me and ignoring me when I finally saw him I thought he just wanted to stay friends, which was fine with me. And it is. Actually I think it's even better than fine because as much as I like to hang out with him, there are just no sparks. This way I at least don’t have to worry about how to bahave. I really hate when I get into situations that are not clearly defined.
Of course he said he didn’t just want to be friends. He didn’t want something serious either. He also didn’t want to be friends with benefits (I asked out of cuiousity, duh!). Excuse me, but what does that leave?
Whatever it might be I don't know and have no desire to find out and seriously, at that point I was just glad he gave me an easy way out.Maybe I would have gone for it had he told me from the beginning. Probably not. Right now I am very relieved this awkward situation is finally resolved. It leaves me free to explore my attraction to PiC who is funny, sweet, good looking and seems honest. He also can tell me that my eyes are pretty without making it sound totally corny, so when he asked me to ‚stay’ with him on Friday I kissed him. Though I still don’t completely (more like at all) understand the concept of staying with anyone I at least want to try. With him I already feel that prickly warm feeling in my tummy.
Of course that might still be the result of all the alcohol I had last Friday night.
