Brazil 101: Round One

Since that hole in my ear keeps me from swimming and me running on a treadmill is not all that interesting there was not that much to tell for a while. Basically my life has been more or less boring the past few months. My Brazilian friends left for home and took the party (and most of the gossip in my life) with them. While a few nights ago I received a text message at 2 am telling me how they were on the beach right now with temperatures around 30°C, my sorry ass is staying home preparing for exams.

Last evening however I decided to give myself a break and go to the welcome party our office holds every semester for our new foreign students. It just so happens that I met our new Brazilian exchange students during said party. It would be a lie to say it wasn’t them who inspired me to write this post.

Ladies, beware of Brazilian men! They just as soon catch your heart as they break it!

Gives the word womanizer a completely new meaning and partying to songs like ‘Ai se eu te pego’ become a completely new experience!

I’d like to think myself immune to their charms but past experiences sadly prove that I am not. Besides this I really love hanging out with them though. It’s immensely entertaining to watch them hit on girls. This time around there seems to be one in particular that might keep me entertained for months. You too, should I get around to blog about it.

Brazil 101: Round 1

First come on: “You have beautiful eyes!”

I should probably tell you that the guy who said this to me was just introducing himself so it went more like this. “Hi, my name is…. . What is your name? You have beautiful eyes!”

When I had not offered my name after five seconds flat he lost interest.

Five seconds are long enough for me to tell him how cheesy that line is but I didn’t do it. Instead I just smiled broadly, let him kiss my hand, said “Thank you” and asked my partner in crime for the evening (I’ll call him PiC from now on), who just so happened to be another Brazilian whether his friend had just tried to hit on me.

He just grinned and said: “No, he just tried to pick you up!”

I am sure I was not the first or last women he tried that line on that night.

The thing that amazes me most is the fact that it actually works!

Please note: If a Brazilian guy ever pays you a compliment it’s a huge indicator that he wants to have sex with you.

1.       Seus olhos são muito bonitas. (Your eyes are beautiful.) = Do you want to have sex?

The same pretty much applies for kissing.

Something I already knew but confirmed last night was that Brazilian men do not have any problem whatsoever with cheating on their girlfriends. None at all!

The reason: in Brazil everyone does it. I don’t know if it is the same for the girls (I am curious about that) but until the man is married he usually sleeps around. There might be exceptions, but this seems to apply to the general population.

Also I have been told, that as soon as he is married the cheating stops. Yeah right! As if I would ever believe that now!

No generalization on my blog though (cough, cough).
Of course the compliment thing also goes the other way around.

Now I do not have a problem telling a guy with really good aftershave that he smells good, especially when we are good friends. I usually just so happen not to have any hidden agenda’s when I say something like that. Now if you tell that to a Brazilian, I was once told, it is impolite because it is so very direct and to say things directly in Brazil seems to be impolite. (This probably means I should never go there…)Now it seems that the friend who told me this was not completely honest. Maybe he was embarrassed or scared to tell me the truth, but it seems that to tell someone he smells good is considered totally hot.

So for all you desperate ladies out there:

2.       Eu gosto de seu cheiro. (You smell good.) = I do so want to have sex with you!

Now the next thing I leaned was less sexual and a lot nicer. When PiC first taught me this one I was not quite sure what to do with it because Brazilians seem huge on compliments and small on commitment. So when he taught me to say I like you I was a little confused.

Turns out he was trying to even out my vocabulary or something. Please remember to only tell this to a person you have a serious relationship with. At least that is what I gathered.

3.       Eu gosto de ti! / Eu gusto de vôce! (I like you!) = I like you.

No hidden meaning in this one!

I did ask however why you would use vôce to tell someone you like them. As it turns out you can use either. Vôce or tu, it doesn't matter. At least in this case it doesn't.

I also learned that in Brazil they make following distinctions concering the relationships between men and women:

1.       amigo – friend means friend means friend. Totally platonic and completely save!

2.       Amizade colorida – colorful friendship, or for more direct people: friends with benefits. This usually refers to really good friends who have sex and nothing/ nada/ niente (and with this I mean nothing at all) more.

3.       Ficando - staying friends . Now this one is more complicated. Personally I laughed my ass off. Basically ‘ficando’ is a trial period for a relationship where you see whether you fit together and whether you want to take the relationship to the next level or not. Please don’t ask me why they need a period like this. I mean you can break up any time any ways and since there seems to be cheating whether the relationship is serious or not I quite frankly don't see the point. But hey, to each their own.

4.       Namorada/namorado – girlfriend/boyfriend or the couple thing. It seems that when you are in a relationship cheating is normal but not a necessity. This means some guys are faithful… most are not. By the way: From my observation kissing s not considered cheating.

5.       Noivado – the engagement. It seems in Brazil cheating is a national tradition for I am told it is ‘all right’ until you are married…and I am sure even than the hermanos are still arguing the point with god and their wives. The reason I decided to mention this point is not the engagement period but how it is ended. Aka the bachelor/bachelorette part:

5.1. The bachelor party – instead of a stripper the lucky Brazilian grooms get a hooker. I was told this is a very big secret. Obviously the men in Brazil have been so secretive that no woman has ever figured out that the bachelor parties are held in a whorehouse. Since I could not quite belive this, I asked for a second opinion and was told that they know, but since there is nothing much they can so they choose to ignore it. Since this seems a lot more plausible to me I personally tent toward this explaination.

5.2. The bachelorette party – instead of a stripper they get the bride chocolate genitals. I guess this might be right on occasion but this information is from a guy so I am not quite sure how far I can trust it. I don’t think he has ever been to a bachelorette party so I doubt he knows everything that is going on. Chances are the girls get their bride a callboy. That would only be fair, after all.