chemistry, oh chemistry

Every woman I have ever met has tried one diet or another. All of course are doing it to lose weight. If only they knew that the best and most efficient way to do so is standing in a chemistry lab all day long!

Believe me, I tried this one myself. Not that I tried to lose weight. But it worked anyways. No better conditions than standing and walking around all day long, breathing in stinking, probably poisonous fumes, being under pressure to finish your experiments and not being allowed to eat inside the lab.

It’s the magic recipe for losing weight!

Maybe I should have chosen chemistry as my major instead of biology! But then chemists tend to be pretty full of themselves. The ones at our university are acting as if chemistry is the only true profession in the universe. Maybe it’s all the chemicals they come into contact with. It just cannot be healthy! I believe my risk of ever getting cancer skyrocketed in the past 2 weeks. Also the danger of getting a thrombosis seems to be pretty high. It’s also not very healthy for your skin.

Mine was ruined for days after I finished my inorganic chemistry lab! And I did not even have to spill the content of the Erlenmeyer flask down my lab coat.

Hmmm, maybe it’s not the best way of losing weight after all. Effective as it may be!

After inorganic chemistry we now continue with organic chemistry. With those chem labs to finish, one might think I was studying chemistry after all.

To my great relieve and my body fat percentage’s great disadvantage organic chemistry lab turns out to be not quite as bad as I had anticipated.

Yet still chemistry is not my thing. Today the lab assistant asked me to explain how I calculated the results of my experiment and I was two acetone inhalations short from telling him that

1.        I follow the instructions on how to prepare and go through with the experiment as stated in the instructions

2.       I copy the calculations from fellow students

And that

3.       I really don’t have the slightest clue what I am doing or what I am doing it for.

I might have thought about suggesting that he probably does not have an idea about the last one either.

However, instead of getting myself into trouble before a save escape from the lab is somewhere in my foreseeable future I will bite my tongue, try to avoid explaining any calculations again and stay as far away from the acetone as humanly (and laboratorically) possible.